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Friday, September 13, 2013

"DJ the Reporter" interviews a wild barbarian and a tea-sipping goofball. Report on Vikings vs. The English Part 1.

Hello once again people who read this blog! It's another school year so I'm getting back into the blogging business. Sorry for not doing any posts over the Summer, I kinda forgot/was too busy/didn't even think about it. But now I'm back and I'm going to be interviewing an (imaginary) Viking named Yorloft and an (also imaginary) Englishmen named Peter. No not the Peter from Spider-Man. I'm going to be asking them how they felt about each other, and hopefully I won't make them mad and get a war axe/musket to the face. That would be nice. I guess I should make this sound like a legit newspaper huh. OK. Article: Interviewing a wild barbarian and a tea-sipping goofball. My name is DJ. But most people call me DJ. I've traveled back in time (none of your business how) to 1010 because I'd heard about this huge conflict between the English and the Vikings. Today I'm going to be interviewing a local Viking named Yorloft the Cuddly and a kind Englishmen named Peter Schwartzmenheimer. The first place I went to was the famous Viking city of Jarzloft. When I walked into the city I was greeted by many different smells - some incredible, some incredibly revolting. There were women making bread in their old-fashioned ovens, and their servants were buttering the loafs that were cooling. You could hear the constant PING!s of a blacksmith hammering away at a sword, trying to mold it into his desired shape. His wife was nearby, poring some red-hot magma from an iron bucket into a weapon holder. She then lowered it into some water with a loud SHHHHH! Steam went all over the place. There were people everywhere, whether it be blacksmiths making weapons and armor, bakers baking bread and other goodies, children playing in the streets, or adults playing a type of board game that looked like ancient chess. The only thing that wasn't so pleasing was the horrible smell of animal feces. That I could've lived without... After a good 10 minute walk through Jarzloft I finally arrived at Yorloft's house, and I was stunned by what I saw. I had NEVER seen so many sheep before in my life! There was a huge pin to the left of his house, that might've been made of spruce wood, and inside were at least 70 sheep! I stood there counting them for a minute and lost track at about 73. I didn't even know I could count that high. Once I finally took my eyes off the sheep-ageddon pin I noticed something else. Whoever this Yorloft the Cuddly guy was, he loved sheep and farming. Because scattered all around his house were 20 foot long and 20 foot wide and carrot farms! I walked onto his property and found a basket full of purple vegetables. They were carrots! After I thought about it for a second, that made sense. Viking carrots were purple! If I remember correctly it had something to do with the soil. I was tempted to taste it taste it because, the way my mind works, I was wondering if it tasted like a grape. But before I could I heard a powerful voice yelling at me from behind. "Oi! Who are ya, and what are ya doin' on my properteh?" I turned around to see who was yelling at me. He was a fat (with muscle), red headed viking with a wool hood on his head. Actually, everything he wore was made out of wool. His boots, his coats, his pants, everything was made from deer hide and fluffy sheep wool. I wondered if they made wooly-underwear. If they do, I'll have to ask my mom if she can get me some. I also wondered if Vikings would like 2013 American dollar bills. "Are you Yorloft sir?" The red-headed viking kept looking at me. "Maybe, who wants tu know? And what is a 'sir'?" "My name is DJ." I admit, I could've come up with a more viking-like name like Throthgar or something, but I didn't think about it at the time. "I'm a traveler. I came here to ask you a few questions about the English." Yorloft kept looking at me with his big brown eyes. He gestured his hand towards the front door. "Alright, come on in" I gladly did. It was freezing out there! I stepped inside his house and I immediately noticed two things: One, it was actually warm inside. And two, that's probably because everything was made out of wool! The chairs, the tables, the walls, the floor, the roof, even the fireplace was made out of wool! I wondered how it wasn't catching on fire. I looked over to where the chair was and I found an even bigger surprise. "BAAAH!" There was a sheep in the house. Really. Yorloft walked up to his chair and sat in it, and the sheep jumped up on his lap. Yorloft began, well, cuddling it. I guess that's where he got his name from. I sat on the table, which felt more like a beanbag chair then a table. "So tell me what you think of the English." He looked at me and whistled for his sheep to get down. "Ye English are bad people, bad I tell you. They made us leave our home country, just because we weren't as 'clean' as them. So we took matter into our own hands. We sailed over to their kingdom, burned most of their city to the ground, and took as much silver as we could find. Ye English are scyared of us now. They pay us a very large amount of silver every Thorsday. If they dun't have enough, we threaten em. But none of this vwould've happened if they hadn't started it. And they took my sheepies too! They bad people! bad!" "BAAAH!" As Yorloft kept talking about the English I wrote down the thing's he said in my note pad. "Why exactly did the English run you out of Europe?" "Vwhats 'Europe'?" "Never mind. Why did they chase you away?" "Because we lived in huts and didn't have pretty four-legged beasts." "Horses?" "Vwhats a 'Horse'?" "Never mind. Any other reasons?" "Vwell, I might have thought one of their fluffy little creatures looked tasty..." "A cat?" "Vwhats a 'cat'? OK. That was getting annoying. "Well thanks for the help Yorloft. I best be going now." "Alright, I'll show ye out." I walked out the door into the cold, which actually felt kinda good now. "Bye DJ of Travelers!" "BAAAH!" I waved my hand back at them, and left Jarzloft for Europe. That's the end of Part 1 on my report. Part 2 will come next week. I've actually been studying vikings all week for history class, so that's why mom decided to make me do a news report on them. But I don't think this is what she expected. I got the picture from, and no it is not a picture of Yorlaft. The End.

1 comment:

  1. So far so good, buddy. Your content is really good and creative. I have not gone through all the Grammar rules yet, but so far so good.