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Friday, November 22, 2013
Don't eat Turkey for Thanksgiving!
This is Special Agent Yellow Feather with a very important message. This Thanksgiving we at the T.I.B Headquarters would like to encourage you to not serve Turkey at your "oh-so needed" Thanksgiving dinner. Think of all the other things you could serve! Here are 3 examples.
1: Chicken! What's so good about us Turkeys? I mean sure we're big and fat (and taste good to you vicious humans...), but we're SO UGLY! Have you even seen a Turkey? We got big blue and red lines of flesh running down our chins and backs. Do you really want THAT on your dinner plate? Unless you're a rabid badger, I sure hope not! Chickens however have very little "extra parts" hanging off their cocka-doodle chins so that's one less thing to worry about! They're also easier to catch. But if you don't want to go chicken hunting, did you know that two chickens costs as much as one Turkey AND you get more out of it? It's true! Just ask us Turkeys! We eat them all the time! And not to mention that chickens are so annoying WHY NOT eat them? Shut them up for good!
2: Pasta with butter and salt! Sure, why not? Nothing wrong with an Italian Thanksgiving. Serve it on the side of your plate for easy access while eating the main course on your plate (as long as it's not Turkey.)! Better yet, combine examples one and two: Instead of stuffing a chicken with mushy croutons, stuff it with warm, buttery and salty pasta! Yum-O!
3: Drum roll please............. TOFU! You know, the white blocks of (I think) plant material? Now I know what you're thinking "Eww tofu is disgusting I hate it so nasty no flavor something out of 'Minecraft' KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!", am I right? Of coarse I am! I'm a Turkey! But if you take a Ramen (chinese noodles) chicken flavor seasoning packet and sprinkle it on the "Tofu blocks of taste-bud death": Voila! You got white starched cubed dry chicken flavored blocks of deliciousness! Or if you don't like that, try examples 1 and 2. Or 1.2 .
Those are only three things you could eat instead of Turkey this Thanksgiving! You could try yack! Komodo Dragon! Beat salad! (Yucky Yucky! (inside joke) ) Now a reason not to eat Turkeys: WE got feelings too man! Think of all the innocent chicks that you orphan every day! MY Niece is living on the side of a chicken coop because of you humans! NO ONE deserves that kind of torture! Nevermind you probably eat the chicks too. YOU MONSTERS! But don't be afraid to eat chickens. They laugh on their way to the slaughterhouse. But, after all this I've told you, if you still choose to eat Turkeys this Thanksgiving.. Well.. Don't worry.. We have other ways to convince you not to... Haha.. Hahaha.. HAHAHA... HAHAHAHA... AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAH- "Connection to Special Agent Yellow Feather was lost.
Hello viewers this is DJ. This blog post was meant to be a Facebook Status, but because I made it so big (what else is new?) she decided to make me put it on my blog. The idea was to think of a funny way to convince people not to eat turkeys for Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoyed it, and have a happy Thanksgiving!